For your revisions, I suggest focusing on: 1. Thesis – The thesis started well, however, remember that the thesis is the blueprint of the paper. It should the purpose and main idea of your essay to your audience. Your thesis statement conveys your position on a topic and provides focus for your essay. If it does not effectively state your purpose and/or does not accurately convey your position, it is not a complete thesis statement. Although you did a great job in stating your stance, you want to try to make it clear and concise. Ideally, it would be a maximum of two sentences to do so. A great example would be “Factors related to student success (topic) includes effective time management (point 1), motivation (2), and family support (final point).” For more information, please refer to the following: http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/body-paragraphs 2. Topic Sentences – Your topic sentence is the point of the paragraph. The “why” of the paragraph. It should follow the thesis statement in order and it should state the claim/idea/point of the paragraph clearly and concisely. If it does not follow the thesis statement, it can take cause the audience to become confused as the thesis is the blueprint of the paper and having the topic sentences go outside of that order may negatively impact the organizational portion of the paper. For more information please refer to the following: http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/body-paragraphs 3. Paragraph development – The acronym PIE is a great way to ensure total paragraph development. Each piece of the acronym serves a distinct purpose and the absence of one piece can take away from total topic development. The absence of having each piece of this acronym fully developed can cause the paragraphs to appear undeveloped and without organization. This can detract from the totality of the content of your paper. For more information, please refer to the following: http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/body-paragraphs 

This is the feedback from the assignment…

In the journal you will carefully review the feedback.. I identify three issues your writing specialist focused on in your rough draft (e.g. paragraph structure, proper use of quotations thesis statement, etc.

In what ways were those issues surprising?

Describe what you learned from some of the feedback your writing specialist provided as explanations. 

Was the feedback helpful?

Evaluate the usefulness of the paper review tool

In what ways did this activity improve your academic writing skills?

Will you use the Ashford Writing Center review  your work in the future?  Why or why not?

400 words… She also said the conclusion was very strong..