One of the most common questions the general public asks about intimate partner violence (ipv) is “Why does she stay?” Several important factors need to be mentioned in this regard. First, women do leave abusive relationships. In fact, they leave and return multiple times. (Be wary of any resource that quotes an exact or average number of times that survivors leave. The reality is that we really don’t know, other than it appears to be multiple times for many women.)
Second, when someone asks “Why doesn’t she leave?” they are making the very dangerous mistake of assuming that to leave a violent relationship will cause the violence to cease. According to the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family (1996), “Many people still believe that the problem of battering can be solved by separation, but the risk of serious or lethal violence may actually increase after separation” (39).
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